What happens when you find out the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with has kept you in the dark all this while, that they’ve lied to you and broken your trust by cheating on you.
What follows next is that you get stuck between the cage of your emotions.
You find it hard to choose between reality and the web of lies your partner may weave to stop you from leaving them and other times it gets hard to choose between the unconditional love that you’ve had for your partner for all this while and your self-respect.
Some people prefer to get into a denial to keep themselves from shattering and others choose to save their own self by opting out and trying to let go. Nonetheless, whatsoever the choice of the victim may be, the road of surviving infidelity is never an easy one.
In the beginning, a lot of people experience as if a part of their human body has been detached from them. Surviving infidelity is not an easy task, you will certainly feel betrayed and lost no matter if you decide to give your partner another chance or leave and give yourself a chance at happiness again.
What exactly is considered infidelity?
The act of cheating or being unfaithful to a partner is described as “Infidelity”. Contrary to popular belief, infidelity isn’t only limited to having sexual relations with someone out of your relationship, it also includes emotional cheating.
Confused? The situation when a partner breaks a vow or a promise to be there for you in every situation that life will throw at you, may also be referred to as Infidelity.
Surviving infidelity requires a lot of emotional strength and it takes even more patience, time, self-love and positivity to get back to your previous life after you’ve experienced this brutal betrayal and heartbreak but nothing in this life is easier to say the least.
Besides, slow and steady always wins the race. It’s better to take one step at a time towards a happy and positive life everyday than to be stuck in the same gloomy place forever.
If you or someone close to you has experienced infidelity there might be a lot of doubts in their mind. There’s a good reason you’re having questions like :
1. Should I stay in this relationship?
It honestly depends on your situation. Yes, being a feminist and a relationship blogger, I’d always support the idea of choosing your own self, opting out and working on your mental health no matter what your gender or sexual orientation might be as staying in a toxic relationship will only drag you down.
But it’s not my situation that we’re talking about here, it’s yours and the only person who knows what’s best for them is your own self. It’s you, so the decision of your life also lies in the hands of none other than you.
All I would say is choose what is best for you, your emotional, physical, mental and social health.
2. Is it worth giving a second chance to the person who cheated?
Let me incline towards the bitter truth here. No.
Remember – they wouldn’t have stopped, regretted their decision or been sorry, if you hadn’t found the truth. If a person didn’t want to cheat, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place, end of story.
Let’s revise the question, if I give him/her a second chance, will they do it again? I don’t know. Maybe they’ll change, maybe they won’t.
As I unfortunately don’t know anything about the person in question, I can’t give an answer to that question. I’ll leave it to your better judgment but I’d suggest reading the above paragraph again before making a decision.
3. Did I do something wrong?
A big no. My advice here is to stop picking on your self-esteem and degrading yourself to justify what they did.
Even if you self reflect on your past and find out you weren’t exactly a saint in your relationship either, just remember that no one deserves to be cheated on.
You weren’t a good partner? Well you still deserved transparency. You still deserved honesty, even if that honesty included you both walking away from each other. A breakup with a closure is far better than a betrayal.
4. Will I ever be able to trust anyone else again?
When you’re betrayed by someone of such importance, you try your best to not fall into such a trap again laid by someone you know very closely.
But most certainly, you’ll still learn to trust others around you again. Surviving infidelity is a long journey which includes walking towards a happy as well as healthy tomorrow.
There will come a time, when you’ll be free of all shackles of your past. A time when you’ll be mentally, socially and most importantly emotionally ready to accept love again in your life. But do remember there’s no love greater than self-love and there’s no one you should trust more than your own self.
Therefore, before thinking about whether I’ll be able to trust anyone else, start learning to give the utmost priority to yourself.
Learn to trust your own instincts, learn to love yourself more than your past self did, one step at a time and you’ll find yourself halfway through this journey.
5. Was I not enough?
All of these doubts come due to the brutal betrayal that you’ve recently faced and are quite common in your situation.
The best thing that you can do during such time is to stay around your friends, family, around people who love you and bring some sort of positivity in this dark stage of your life.
Remember, it was not you who wasn’t enough, but him/her who lacked the ability to uphold something so precious in their life.
6. Did he cheat because your relationship wasn’t a good one?.
The answer to this is very simple – no. A person doesn’t only cheat when he’s unhappy in a relationship as infidelity occurs many times in seemingly happy and thriving relationships too.
7. Why am I not over my partner even after such a heartbreak?
It’s a fact that infidelity doesn’t end love in a flick of second in any given relationship as feelings do not fade away that easily. You may develop others feelings such as resentment, anger, sadness, but not everyone is able to end their love for their partner quickly.
It doesn’t matter if you choose to move on in life or you give them a chance to realize their mistake. But you will require all the support from your partner, family and friends to build trust again in the relationship and start on a positive note.
Now that we’ve discussed what exactly infidelity is and some questions that may arise when you’re going through this situation, we shall now move on to the most important aspect of this article.
In the below-mentioned points you will get an insight on how to tackle the pressure of surviving infidelity easily and choose what’s best for you.
1. Put a full stop to further contact with your partner.
Most of the people who indulge with infidelity are clear about the aftermath of their betrayal. They are well aware of the fact that they will lose their partner and cause a lot of distress to their children (if applicable) if they continue to go down that way and yet they continue with their act.
It is, therefore, evident that a partner cheats even after knowing about all the circumstances.
Therefore, If you’re trying to move on and get over your partner make sure to put a full stop to further contact with your partner as infidelity tends to turn a basic relationship between two people uglier in the future.
2. Have patience while deciding the future of your relationship.
In such circumstances, it is very common and right of you to lose patience when you find out that you’ve been betrayed by your partner which is something any sane person would do.
You have the right to react the way you want to and there should be no judgment involved when it comes to deciding the future of your relationship with your partner.
However, the second face of the story also tells you to be patient when you face one of these situations because the future of your life also depends majorly on how you are going to react to these things.
You need to understand the situation that led to such betrayal from your partner. If you choose to jump to the conclusion and decide to leave without getting a proper closure, it might make things worse and leave you to regret in the future.
Therefore, listen to your partner ( even if you want to leave them as soon as you find out the truth) because it might help you tackle your situation a little better. I mean, we often hear people say that one should never make a decision when they are sad and avoid making any promises when they are happy.
3. Trust is the foundation of every relationship.
Can you imagine yourself in a situation where you struggle to believe in the things that are being said by your partner on a daily basis?
Probably not. As in any given relationship being able to trust and knowing that this trust is being protected by your partner is a must, and unfortunately this belief can’t be forced in a day, it takes time to develop it. Don’t be hard on yourself for not being able to trust your partner, just know it’s not your fault.
So, If you decide to stay in your relationship, make sure your partner doesn’t indulge in any form of conversation or stay in touch with the third person.
The conversation includes social media texts, calls, meet ups etc. Before you decide to give your partner a second chance make sure your partner puts a full stop to every aspect of his life for his lover or else the new start of your relationship will be of no use and only cause you mental trauma.
4. Look for accountability from your partner (if you choose to continue the relationship).
When your partner cheats you, it becomes necessary for you to observe if they find themselves accountable for the problems they’ve created in your life, whether he/she is regretful or not.
When an individual actually realizes the mistake he/she made by cheating, there are chances that he/she will not repeat that in near future.
Contrary to this, when the person doesn’t find themselves accountable to their relationship and make use of something as a scapegoat to avoid any blame in future, it becomes clear that the only thing that is to be done in this situation is to leave them.
Accountability comes with responsibility and brings a lot of maturity between the partners. Similarly, maturity brings happiness in any relationship and empowers them to look at the brighter side of the story.
Continuing a relationship after such a situation will bring many more challenges and you will require all the energy in the world to fight these future problems. Therefore, accountability does play an important role in surviving infidelity and ensuring a better future.
5. Emotional support is necessary in surviving infidelity.
When your trust is broken by your partner, you are the one who faces most of the difficult consequences. Therefore, in this process of surviving infidelity (whether you are staying or leaving) you are the one who’s going to have to gather all the strength and emotional support that is there in your life.
Take a break, go to your parents, some other family or friends house. Know your true supporters in life and spend some quality time with them. Do things that you love and try to keep the optimism level high in your life.
6. Reach out for help.
Surviving infidelity is not a child’s play. Yes, at some point of time you’ll certainly be okay with everything again but to make sure that all sorts of emotional traumas are left at bay, you should reach out for professional help.
There might be some things that can be left unsolved in your mind in this process of surviving infidelity and later on come to disturb your mental health, other relationships or life in general.
You should definitely consider going to therapy in order to get your inner self at peace, deal with your unchecked emotions and walk towards a better as well as brighter tomorrow.
7. Couples therapy is important for surviving infidelity.
More like an addition to the above point, if you decide to stay in your relationship don’t forget to opt for couples therapy. No matter if you stay or leave, you’ll most certainly need help to deal with the situation in the best way possible.
A professional will help you to look at the points that you might have missed being under pressure. Your relationship needs proper analysis and the weakness of both the partners should be highlighted and improved if both of you need the relationship to move forward in a positive direction.
A professional will identify the issues which are generally overlooked or not paid attention to. When you consult a marriage professional you should also ensure that you do not hide or hesitate to mention the problems you are facing in your relationship.
8. Do not shy away from asking questions that are in your mind.
We tend to avoid confrontation to maintain a good and happy relationship but that’s exactly the opposite of what you should do if you aspire to have a healthy relationship.
You need to convey what you feel clearly to your partner to open the door of happiness after all of this mess. Even if you’ve decided to leave your partner, asking questions will give you more clarity, closure and mental peace in the long run.
Surviving infidelity doesn’t only require emotional strength, mental peace is something which will be very important in this process as well.
9. Do not consider everyone’s opinion while keeping yours aside.
It is important to listen to everyone or talk to your close ones about your situation to understand a third person’s perspective on the whole issue but you should first consider what you genuinely think should be the future of your relationship.
It is you who is going to suffer in the future if you end up making a wrong decision for yourself. Therefore, the most important step here is to consider when will truly make you happy in the long run.
My advice here would be to not let your emotions cloud your judgment. Choose what is best for your mental and physical health and everything else will fall into place.
10. Acceptance is a necessary part of surviving infidelity.
Surviving Infidelity needs acceptance from your inner self. You will have to accept the thoughts that come to your mind and put them in front of your partner.
You may ask yourself, “Why would someone do something like betraying their own partner?”. The answer most certainly lies in front of you. Most people tend to go into a Denial to protect their heart and feelings but you must accept your reality.
Acceptance is the first step in the process of healing. Therefore, once you accept your reality, you will be able to gather the courage to move ahead in life.
While you are looking for ways of “Surviving Infidelity”, the first step in the whole process is to know if this infidelity is an actual betrayal or something that you’ve created out of confusion.
Cheating has become a very common affair in today’s world but surviving infidelity is very rare. You are not accustomed to someone cheating you in any of your promising relationships.
Usually people imagine the vows or promises made by their partner to be genuine and live with high expectations in your heart.
As mentioned in the article, cheating doesn’t occur only because of unhappy relationships. It occurs because of many other reasons like less understanding between the partners or lack of emotional connection.
It is important for you to understand the reason behind the infidelity and deal with it considering everything that has been written in the article above.
Surviving infidelity is a tough process and requires a lot of patience but when you follow the process that has been mentioned in the article, it will be much easier for you to cope with the challenges that come in your path.
Thank you for reading.