Hate is the most intense feeling that any individual can experience. Like every other emotion that happens to be the integral part of human feelings, it also can be found in various relationships.
It’s quite common for our thoughts to conclude things like I hate my day, I hate a certain thing, I hate my friends and sometimes it might force us to think I hate my husband or wife as well.
We develop a strong hatred towards others when our ideas, beliefs and emotions are contradicted by them or their behavior.
It is absolutely normal to dislike some qualities of your partner. Everybody has some flaws or shortcomings.
But If you’re often comprehending thoughts like I hate my husband, then the problem is certainly more grave than it seems to the eye.
Marriage is a celebration of love, honesty and respect between each two people. Therefore, if you’re getting thoughts like I hate my husband, it surely can cause a huge rift into your relationship.
You need to understand the reason behind why you feel like I hate my husband and then work on either overcoming those problems or leaving the relationship.
To make this process easier for you, we’ve put together 19 reasons that might be the answer to why I hate my husband?
1. Unforgettable memories, what are those?
When your partner seems to forget the surreal memories of your past or the important events of the future, it sure becomes a reason for you to have a sour day.
When the moments that gave you butterflies in your stomach are no longer memorable events for him. It can create a feeling of anger and eventually dislike towards your partner.
2. He starts blaming you for your past relationships.
It’s common for you to grow a feeling of hate towards your husband when he speaks about your internal issues that you’ve worked hard to overcome or about the past relationships that you’ve had years before you met him.
If your husband keeps bringing up your past, specifically your past problems, partners or heartbreaks up over and over again, it creates a rift between you two.
3. Your husband doesn’t help with household chores.
It’s a great annoyance when your husband has a great amount of leisure time but barely spends time helping you around daily household chores.
It becomes quite easy to feel something like I hate my husband, when he spends most of his time partying with his friends but doesn’t seem to care about the work you do to take care of the family and his children.
4. He doesn’t spend much time with you.
Marriage is not about having time for each other but giving importance, putting efforts and making time for one another.
Deliberately taking time to spend with your loved one is the most important thing one can do to save a relationship, especially the one that might be on the edge of a break up.
Many women might think I hate my husband just because he doesn’t spend any time with them and are least bothered about the same.
5. Does your husband respect you?
One of the major reasons to feel I hate my husband is when he keeps showing you his ugly sides during conflicts or heated arguments.
The disrespect he shows can cause disheartenment and intense emotional worries that can easily lead to a feeling of anger regarding him. This anger then turns into resentment, which eventually becomes hate.
6. He keeps contradicting you.
When your partner keeps disagreeing with your opinions and instead continues to contradict your views over his own. It creates a sense of distaste.
Successful marriage is all about seeking your partner’s opinion and respecting them even though they differ from your own views, social beliefs and thoughts.
It is not easy for a wife to keep the love for her husband alive when he keeps trying to fuel conflicts with you on every little thing.
7. You believe he hates you too.
If he seems happy, open and loving around his family or friends but on the other hand is usually unhappy, distressed and disrespectful towards you. It might ignite a dislike in you towards him.
If your husband keeps neglecting you, compromising your happiness for selfish reasons and keeps up poor behavior by hurting you, it becomes the stepping stone for hate in your relationship.
8. He keeps insulting you.
You start to hate your husband, when your partner keeps pointing towards your weakness and mistakes, especially when he is around his family and friends.
He doesn’t consider your feelings and constantly belittles you in front of your kids. This feeling of embarrassment might cause you to feel I hate my husband.
9. He can’t let go of certain things.
Self harming behavior or addictions like smoking, drinking and gambling which seriously affects not only him but also your life can cause hatred towards him.
When he can’t control certain problematic behavior, on a daily basis in front of you or behind your back. It can cause great distress to you.
10. Your husband isn’t a good father.
Parenting is no joke. It’s one of the biggest responsibilities that humans undertake in their lives. What greatly disheartens most women in dual parenting is when one of them is not showing signs of being a good parent.
If your husband cares less and provides less for the family, especially your children, a sense of dislike is sure to grow.
11. He ignores you.
It is common to get hurt when your husband puts you down by ignoring you. Ignorance can give birth to doubt, suspicion and mistrust in a marriage.
These misunderstandings ruin a relationship, making it easy for you to feel I hate my husband.
Love, respect and trust are the foundation of a healthy relationship, even if one of them is missing the core of the relationship becomes imbalanced.
12. Lack of intimacy.
Marriage is not only about emotional attachment but physical intimacy as well. It is common for men to lose interest when time passes due to work, stress, addiction or sometimes because they’re attracted to someone else.
On the other hand, it makes you feel like he doesn’t care anymore about you, your emotions and your personal interests evoking a feeling of dislike.
13. He’s abusive.
There are many marriages around the globe that go straight up to drain due to one of the partners being abusive.
It is very easy to feel like I hate my husband when he tries to control and restrict you from doing things that you actually like. When you don’t accept the things that he demands and he becomes a straight up toxic person.
14. Broken trust.
Trust is everything when it comes to marriage. With the absence of trust every marriage is a failure even if you’re together.
No one likes it when their partner doesn’t trust them, keep questioning them unusually, keep tabs on all their here and there just because they doubt your faithfulness. More than anything it destroys your mental peace.
15. Are you jealous of other happy couples around you?
It may cause grief to you as you witness people, i.e your friends, family members or others around you leading a very happy and peaceful life with their husbands.
This jealousy may lead to excessive anger towards your own self or in most cases your husband as he’s not upholding to your standards of what your relationship should be like.
16. He overreacts all the time.
It might be weird in the beginning when your husband over- reacts on every small situation, but eventually it becomes annoying.
If you’re someone who keeps an open mind, then this conflict of thoughts can surely cause a lot of problems for you.
17. He’s a big procrastinator.
It seems to be highly annoying when your husband instead of helping you with daily chores, does nothing and keeps procrastinating.
If he’s a procrastinator, you’ll commonly be hearing things like : I’ll do it later, bills are due? How about we do it tomorrow? I’ll do it first thing in the morning. The morning, which then turns into evening and eventually tomorrow.
18. He constantly flirts with others.
It’s quite common to feel I hate my husband when he flirts with other women around him, be it his office, around the neighborhood or when you guys are out on a date.
Infidelity is not only associated with physical cheating but emotional cheating is equally tormenting and heartbreaking.
19. He’s unclean.
Women start to hate their husbands when they start to do things in a shabby way. Like they lost that sense of taking care of their body or stuff like before.
It’s natural to feel like he is not the way he was before. Self care is something which is very important for men and women alike.
How to end this hate in your married life?
The above mentioned points may be a reason as to why any woman would feel like I hate my husband. As I have already mentioned, hate is an intense emotion which can damage your own self in the process.
If possible try to let go of this hate, by resolving the conflicts of your marriage. On the other hand, if the problems are past the mending stage then by letting go of this toxic set-up.
If you feel like you can resolve these issues within yourself and your marriage, below are the few things that might help you in making through this process.
1. Be direct.
Several problems can be resolved when you stop stressing upon the past issues and start to be direct about your issues with your partner.
Have an open conversation with your partner about all the problems that you’re going through, talk about his behavior that you can’t tolerate and how these issues can be resolved.
Working as a team and being on the same page while tackling these issues can bring new light into your relationship.
2. Don’t play the blame game.
No matter how big a problem is, blaming each other about the cause is never going to help you in any possible way.
Blaming him too much just for the sake of winning the argument can lead to a feeling of hate from his side as well. Your goal is to eradicate this hate, not grow it. Speak to him about what can be done to solve the matter at hand.
3. Listen to him.
Take up a chance to listen to his side of the story. Maybe the hate you’re feeling towards him has originated from a mere misunderstanding.
Let him open up and explain what he feels, thinks, his inner struggles of what he is going through. Listening patiently to each other can solve conflicts like it had never happened in the first place.
4. Think from a different perspective.
Before actually starting up a fight, do not forget to think about how he actually feels about the issues.
You must learn to put yourself in others’ shoes, in your case the other person being your husband. Before going all worked up over an issue, sit for a couple of minutes and reminisce over it from different perspectives.
5. Take decisions together.
This might be absolutely helpful because when you start to discuss things in a constructive manner from the beginning, you will not have differences of opinion on a larger scale.
If you keep up with the rule of taking decisions with each other’s full support, the root for most conflicts would be lost. Try to understand your husband’s opinion and make sure he understands and respects yours equally
6. Express yourself.
Always try to explain whatever you’re feeling and go through in a constructive way. Instead of piling up all the anger and annoyance which eventually turns into hatred, learn to release without bringing the whole relationship down.
Have a positive attitude when you have to express your opinion or interests.
7. Acknowledge your mistakes as well.
Always have the feeling that it is your spouse who you are talking to. Always be ready to accept that you have also made mistakes. That is how you learn to compromise in a relationship. Take responsibility for your actions and mistakes.
8. Be Independent.
Do not be over dependent on him. Love, care and respect should come from him but don’t expect him to be there every minute of the day. Give him some space, understand that he has a life of his own outside home as well.
Practicing Independence will also help you if the marriage becomes toxic beyond repair. It will help you to stand on your own if the hatred gets to a level where the only option left for you is to leave.
9. Focus on his positive aspects.
Focusing purely on the negative aspects of your partner can lead you to hate him. You must understand no one is perfect in this world and every human being has some shortcomings, just like yourself.
If you put all of your energy into changing his (what you consider) negative aspects, you’ll not have time to see the good in him. Appreciate his strengths, positive aspects and goddesses to bring the love back into the relationship.
Learn to let go of all the negativity that you’ve coped inside you in order to be at peace.
You’ll have to forgive your husband in order to end the hatred within yourself. Without forgiveness the relationship will not be able to move past all the toxicity.
11. Bring back kindness in your relationship.
As mentioned earlier, kindness in a relationship is as important as listening to your spouse.
Tolerance level may differ from person to person but being kind to your partner is equally important especially when you start to develop the feeling of hate. Learn to humble respond calmly to each other.
12. Keep your cool.
Always keep your cool while going through a discussion or argument. Remember, your mental health is more important than anything else. Do not compromise it for anyone.
Keeping calm in heated moments can help you to take an outside and objective perspective on your relationship.
Conclusion : I hate my husband.
Learn to make time to discuss what is the root cause of the problem. Share your views and listen to your spouse’s views too. The most important thing is that you should never go to sleep before solving the problem.
Hate is usually given less importance than love while working on our emotions. Just because people talk less about this emotion doesn’t mean we feel it less often too.
As mentioned in the beginning, hate is an intense emotion. Therefore, you must learn to resolve it before it destroys you or your relationship to a greater level.
Use three ways to destroy hate : communication, commitment and knowledge.
Thank you for reading.