For any relationship to survive and succeed, both partners have to be open and honest with their expectations from one another.
This involves their goals for the future, each person’s likes and dislikes, their involvements and responsibilities for the betterment of the relationship, and the physical aspects as well.
Having a satisfying sexual experience and being content with what each of you bring to the table, or the bedroom *wink*, can either make or break a relationship. It is one of the most integral parts of any union and requires attention from both parties.
But how to be a better lover for your partner? What does it take to be one? Does it only mean that you have to be great at sex?
Actually, in order to know how to be a better lover, it is imperative that you understand all aspects of the sexual connection. It is not just physical, but has links to your emotional, psychological, and overall behavioral facets.
In this article, whether you’re a man or a woman seeking answers on how to be a better lover, we shall go over 15 different ways to improve bedroom skills and be able to connect with your partner on different levels.
How to Be a Better Lover — 15 spot on ways
In our society, we always expect a man to step up his game and be the better one at sex. Depending on his knowledge, skills, and the ability to satisfy a woman, it can either make or break an encounter.
Shouldn’t this be considered as too much pressure for one person? Not everyone can be a master at satisfying their partner every time and know exactly when she wants.
Whether or not he is experienced in the bedroom, expecting 100% performance is an unfair demand.
However, it doesn’t mean you should not give your 100% to your partner. And the best way to do that is mixing things up now and then, learning new techniques, and being aware of your partner’s cues, likes, and dislikes.
Keeping this in mind, we will go over 15 sure shot ways on how to be a better lover and have a healthy and satisfying relationship.
1. Spontaneity is Key to Happiness.
No individual likes to keep a schedule of what activities should be conducted at which time. It can become boring, monotonous, and frankly speaking, off-putting. You can’t be running through the day as per a timetable or a clock and fix timings or days for sex.
Being spontaneous helps you to be unpredictable and automatically increases the passion, intensity, and desire among the two of you.
When you catch her off-guard and lead the way to a more pleasurable moment, she will know that you care about her and her needs.
A spur-of-the-moment encounter is far more enjoyable than a planned one, and you will find yourselves getting even more close, not just physically but mentally and spiritually.
Your partner will love and welcome this side of you and reciprocate as well.
2. Learn Some New Positions.
Most people, through no fault of their own, have a few classic moves that they like to use in order to achieve maximum pleasure.
Now that is all good but for how long can it be fun and exciting for you and your partner? There will come a time when you both will get tired of it and want to explore some new positions.
Being with someone physically gives you an emotional high that cannot be replaced with anything else. So, when you’re always using the same routine, moves, and positions over and over again, it won’t bring either one of you the pleasure you’re searching for.
Apart from researching new positions, you can mix things up during foreplay, play some light music in the background, light a few candles, take a warm bubble bath together, give each other massages before, etc.
There are literally hundreds of things you can do to change your routine and learn new positions to make the experience memorable.
3. Don’t Rush Through It.
Rushing through the act of making love won’t bring you that sense of happiness and content which you experience afterwards. In order to maintain a strong and healthy relationship, knowing how to enhance the entire encounter is essential.
When you and your partner are naturally attracted to one another, it’s only natural to increase the pace and reach that ultimate climax. But if you wish to know how to be a better lover, then you need to relax and enjoy the ride.
The focus should be on both of you where each person is not just giving, but receiving pleasure as well. Match each other’s pace and take your time as it will help you last longer.
There’s no need to rush through foreplay and non-sexual activities; because when you combine the whole process, it makes for an amazing experience.
4. Cuddling is a Lost Art.
It’s not that all couples switch themselves off and turn around to go off to sleep right after. However, it is safe to say that after the act of love, most couples turn to their phones, take a break from one another, watch television, or turn their attention towards work.
This may sound boring, but cuddling afterwards makes you feel much closer to your partner. Laying beside one another is really comforting and can help you both release stress from the day.
Your bond will strengthen and it will give a chance to either lay in silence or talk about things that matter the most to you both.
One simple act of cuddling gives you positive emotions and builds your confidence. You will not only love yourself but help achieve the same effects for your partner as well.
5. Ask and You Shall Receive.
The most common errors some couples make is by not being open and honest about what their expectations are. For any sexual encounter to be successful, you have to know what the other person likes, dislikes, and is willing to try.
You can buy Kama Sutra and learn all the positions mentioned in the book. However, in order to know how to be a better lover, you have to first listen to what your partner truly considers enjoyable.
Once you have that information, you can incorporate it, according to your comfort level, into the act of making love.
This will not only bring your partner the pleasure she’s asking for but it will give you the high you’re searching for.
Sexual intimacy is a desire that both partners should work towards. So, work on improving your communication and truly hear one another as it will improve the bedroom action.
6. You Need to Set Some Boundaries.
Just because you’re trying to learn how to be a better lover doesn’t mean you should let go of your own comfort zone. Not everyone, including yourself, is comfortable with anything and everything a physical relationship can bring.
If there are certain things you’re not into or won’t partake in, be vocal about it and set some boundaries. Your partner will respect you for it and in turn, bring the two of you much closer to one another.
When you agree to acts that are beyond your capabilities or likes, it will harm you, make you feel low, and be the bane of your performance.
So, instead of putting immense amount of pressure on yourself, be open, honest, and put boundaries on what can and cannot be a part of your sexual relationship.
7. Understand Your Partner’s Body Language.
Many times, it can be that you are in the mood but your partner isn’t. However, she goes along with it just so you are not offended or feel rejected. Even though it can occur often, this can be avoided as it has the possibility of putting unwanted strain on your relationship.
Having an intimate relationship shouldn’t be an obligation for either one of you. Which is why, it is imperative that you understand your partner’s body language and subtle cues to if she’s in the mood or not.
The desire for wanting to be with your partner can arise at any time or any place. There are certain non-verbal cues that your partner will give to tell you it’s go time.
When you pick up on those cues, it makes the entire experience much more pleasurable.
8. Be Physical in Other Ways.
Sex is a marvelous thing and it can heighten the intimacy in your relationship ten-fold. However, your connection doesn’t need to begin and end with it.
In fact, throughout the day you can shower your partner with affection and touch that is part of intimacy.
While sitting on the couch, you can run your fingers down her arms, back, neck, and shoulders. As you pass each other in the house, you can give each a kiss or a hug.
If you’re sitting out in the backyard or laying in bed, you can cuddle one another or give each other massages.
These small gestures go a long way as the spontaneity of it reaffirms your partner that they hold a special place in your heart.
Even public displays of affection can help you to adopt how to be a better lover. Basically, it is super romantic and makes your partner feel loved.
9. Give the Bedroom a Rest.
Making love isn’t and shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom. Go for some tried and tested or unconventional spots to spark the flame of physical love.
There are many options like your kitchen counter, dining or living room, backseat of a car, while taking a shower, the balcony, or even the stairwell.
Of course, we are not saying that you should just go for it just about anywhere. You have to keep in mind that you’re not flaunting yourselves in the public view.
You need to be respectful to others, and especially your partner.
10. Combined Hobbies Can Be Hot.
Spending quality time is a priority we all need to abide by. The more interesting and fun things you engage in with your partner, the closer you two will feel.
Generally speaking, women love the idea of doing hobby activities with their partners and by indulging them, you’re returning that affection and attention to her.
You’re not only spending time with her but making pleasant memories that will later on help the two of you reminisce over. Everything that you do during the day helps you lead up to the physical aspects of your relationship.
But when we say hobbies, it doesn’t necessarily have to be boring. You can even plan a picnic up in the mountains or at the beach like she’s always been meaning to have.
Wine tasting, horseback riding, or engaging in any adventurous sports will also teach you how to be a better lover.
11. Buy Some Pleasurable Toys.
Being a little naughty can bring about a whole lot of fun. Specially designed to increase your sexual pleasures, using adult toys helps prolong the actual act. They are playful, innocent toys that bring more satisfaction.
What woman doesn’t want to have an orgasm?! And if the toys can help her achieve multiple orgasms, there’s nothing quite like it.
You can research which toys to buy and go buy them together. Trust us, it’ll only make the entire experience and the fun afterwards much more intense.
12. Master the Art of Sexting.
In order to further the intimacy, sexting is an excellent choice. You’re creating fantasies, stories, and scenarios between the two of you that help you escape the mundane.
The NSFW texts help build the anticipation of meeting one another later in the day.
There are only a few tricks and ways to keep the flame of your relationship going. So, by sexting you are not only learning how to be a better lover but are also being a supportive partner.
You are listening, learning, understanding, and applying your partner’s wants, needs, and desires.
13. Leave Your Insecurities Outside the Bedroom.
Both men and women can have insecurities about their bodies, hair, intellectual abilities, physical strength, etc. All of these insecurities can play a role in not letting you give your all to your partner.
When we start second guessing ourselves, it can hamper our performance and the way we act, behave, or present to our partners and the world. This can have adverse effects by reducing or diminishing the physical attraction.
If a person has chosen to be with you, know that they have seen your flaws and have accepted you regardless. Use that information as your strength and move forward.
14. Don’t Always Rely on Adult Videos.
There is a lot you can learn from adult videos, but what and how they portray the physical act is, at times, unachievable. Wanting to duplicate what you’ve seen in these videos will only set you up for failure.
You can surely learn how to be a better lover through these videos by adopting a few pointers, but don’t set them up as a benchmark. It can help get the ball rolling and get you two in the mood.
15. Personal Hygiene Matters.
This tip has nothing to do with the actual act or the moments leading up to it. What we mean by having good hygiene is that you’re not only making sure that you’re well groomed, free of infections, and overall, a healthy, clean person, but that you respect your partner to the point that you won’t take them for granted.
Cleaning yourself before and after the act, following a daily grooming ritual, and being on top of all your tests and health is a necessary and uplifting gesture. Your partner deserves to be with someone who will not put them in harm’s way.
Conclusion: How to be a better lover?
As anything in life, enhancing yourself to be a better lover takes time. You cannot expect to master the act or bring about a positive outcome swiftly.
To know the answer of how to be a better lover know that it takes patience, listening to your partner’s needs, and going a few steps beyond what is expected of you. Continue with the intimacy before and even after the act of sex as it will only bring the two of you closer together.
When you’re present, mentally, emotionally, and physically, for your partner, they will reciprocate your feelings and nurture the relationship. Only then can you reignite or brighten the passionate flame of your union.