In my previous article, which was part 1 of my toxic relationship series I talked about what is a toxic relationship and how you can spot one by giving you the 7 signs most prominent signs that can be found in almost every toxic relationship.
But obviously, a list of just 7 signs of a toxic relationship isn’t enough to contain all the necessary points, especially when we are talking about something as vast as toxic relationships.
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Why do we have to spot or recognise toxic relationship signs?
Why can’t we simply skip to the part where we can do something about it instead of sitting here and talking about spotting the signs of a toxic relationship? Isn’t it obvious if someone is in a toxic relationship or with a toxic person?
To answer the first questions, toxicity is a disease. When a person is feeling off, he doesn’t simply have the first medicine on which his eyes land on or when hurt doesn’t put ointments all over his body.
He will obviously go to a doctor first, the doctor will examine him, spot the illness and the affected area in his body, same in the case of an injury and then give him the necessary medications.
In the same manner, to eliminate toxicity from your relationship you have to first spot if it’s there or not in the first place and to how much extent has it affected your relationship. Then in the case of its presence. The cure or elimination would be looked upon.
For the second question, from the perspective of a third person, it might be clear to you if a couple is toxic or not but when It comes to the first person, it’s not as easy as it might seem to you. There are many blindfolds that prevent a couple in a toxic relationship from seeing what might be right in front of them.
At the end of the day, it’s never easy for humans to accept things. Our brains always know things but our conscience finds it hard to swallow the bitter truth.
Now that I have put aside the importance of recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship. Below are the 8 signs which if present in your relationship will only mean that your relationship is filled with toxicity, which is never good for you nor your partner.
1. If It’s not an equal relationship, it’s an toxic one.
Men and women are equals in a relationship. It’s the 21st century and If you have to re-remind this to your partner again and again then, you shouldn’t even bother putting up with him or her anymore.
A healthy relationship is the one where there is a balance between not only two partners but in their contributions, responsibilities and even daily chores. A person can’t possibly climb on his or her partner’s back and expect things and their relationship to run smoothly.
If you feel like you’re the only one who considers your partner happiness, wants and needs while they constantly neglect yours, then there’s no doubt in saying your partner is toxic for you as it’s one of the signs of a toxic relationship.
A single person can’t carry the weight of the whole relationship and if someone does so, not only will it result in a massive burnout but will also affect the person’s mental health.
2. You have a feeling of constant stress.
Stress is a counterpart of any relationship. No matter how great your relationship is or how compatible you are, there are going to be some bumps in your journey as a couple, bumps that will give you some sort of stress and that’s totally natural.
But on the next front if you are experiencing some sort of constant tension, or you are on the edge all the time with your relationship being its cause then neither is it healthy for your emotional development nor the social one.
It’s not necessarily always the relationship or your partner that is toxic, sometimes it’s just our own brain. Sometimes it’s just our habit of overthinking.
Yes, a relationship is very important for you but your number one priority should always be your mental health.
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3. A toxic partner shows lack of support.
Your partner should be your pillar of strength. A healthy relationship of any sort is the one where two people push each other towards success.
Your partner should be someone who uplifts you but if on the contrary, your partner doesn’t pay much attention to your growth, if he/she doesn’t really care about your goals or achievements and if he doesn’t really have your back anytime at all then is it the toxicity that’s finally showing up?
If you’re getting some kind of negative vibes from your partner when you’re talking about your goals then It’s most certainly a toxic relationship.
4. Resentment is the pillar of a toxic relationship.
Resentment is a feeling of anger that stays as a grudge and occurs when a person gets offended or hurt. Its destructive presence of any sort eats up the love and more prominently the respect in a relationship.
Now how would you know if your partner is having this sort of feeling? Well, to be completely honest until your partner straight up tells you or consciously shows signs of negativity, emotional withdrawal, makes snarky comments and is constantly arguing with you on unnecessary topics, you won’t know.
Holding on to grudges for longer than necessary, turns a positive mindset into a negative one. No matter how small the reason that inflicted it was in the first place, over time these small things add up and take the form of anger, frustration and eventually hatred.
A relationship where anger and frustration reside instead of love, respect and care? Yikes.
5. Diminishing self-esteem is a sign of toxic relationship.
As stated in the above point, your relationship must act as a safe place.
No matter how hard we try not to care, it’s pretty natural to feel down when your partner picks up on your insecurities or makes you feel any less or wrong all the time. Our self-esteem is always the first thing that takes a hard blow from this behaviour.
You shouldn’t have to feel insecure around your partner but if your partner is adding up to your insecurities instead of helping you to overcome them, If you feel like your partner is preying on your insecurities to make you vulnerable and eventually more available to them then you have to sit back and evaluate your relationship before going any further.
In this battle of a toxic relationship, self-love will act as an in-destructive armour and help you in overcoming daily frustrations, which eventually helps us to walk towards a better, healthier and happier future. Therefore practicing self love and self care should be on top of your priority list.
If you want to make self love your habit, then you can check out the Blessing Manifesting’s ultimate self-love planner and other add-ons to make self-care a priority in your life.
6. You can’t seem to find a middle ground.
Arguments take place in relationships. Every human being doesn’t have the same thinking process, views or opinions and in the exact same manner, your partner won’t have the same as yours either.
Under these circumstances conflicts on various topics are natural but what differentiates a toxic relationship from a healthy one is the fact that in a healthy relationship, the couple most certainly can find a middle ground. Something that satisfies both parties.
Your partner might want to do something (let’s say X), you might like to do something else (Y), the best and right thing to do in this situation is to find a middle ground (Z), either you have to find something that partially satisfies both of your needs or take turns.
At the end of the day, what matters most is to find a middle ground. It may not seem important to you now but at the end of the day, having a middle ground is exactly what you need to have a smooth, healthy and long-term relationship.
7. Frequent lies eats up a healthy relationship.
People lie for plenty of reasons and a lot of times in a day. You know that I know that, we all know that.
But does lies really make your relationship toxic? Well, it totally depends on the nature of the lie that has been told. There are white lies then there are lies that hurt people emotionally.
Sometimes your partner might lie because he/she doesn’t want to stress you out or maybe they’re not feeling good.
Lying can also show signs of hostile communication in a relationship. Sometimes communication is the barrier that limits a person to be completely honest with you. In other cases it’s simply your partner’s nature to lie.
Anyways, no matter the reason if you feel like your partner is constantly lying to you, it can’t possibly be a sign of a healthy relationship.
8. Constant judgement and criticism.
If your partner is constantly judging you on various fronts then it is definitely one of the major signs of a toxic relationship.
If you feel like your partner constantly criticises your behaviour, tells you to do the right thing, tries his best to become the one who always guides you, your partner is actually trying to be something more to you. You know, something like your inner consciousness and no it’s not a good thing.
A toxic person will criticize your every behaviour, be judgemental towards your past choices and turn the — I just want the best for your card. In their heads the judgement behaviour is simply for your own good, or because they want to make you a better version of yourself.
When in reality they just want to, as they like to call, “improve you” to fit you into their small box of what they perceive as a good partner or person.
Even though it’s inevitable for couples to go through the downs of a relationship, it’s the consistency of the downs and the overwhelming negativity that defines a toxic relationship.
If you are continuously feeling low, drained, stressed and unpleasant in a relationship, it’s likely to be the signs of a toxic relationship peeking through.
Toxic relationships are mentally, emotionally, socially damaging and sometimes the toxicity increases to a level, where a toxic relationship transitions into an abusive relationship making it physically harmful for people to be together.
It’s not necessarily for a toxic relationship to have a victim. Sometimes it takes two and even more, hands to turn a relationship into a toxic one and other times it’s the circumstances, external forces and simply the compatible level of two people that push a couple towards toxicity.
Nonetheless, if the cure is provided at the right time and right movement, these relationships can be saved. Not every toxic relationship has a doomed fate.
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Thank you for sticking with me till the very end.